dumb@$$


I’m such a dumbasssss. I really am. You know. I have not smoked since February. I DID REALLY GOOD, but then i got this giant urge to smoke. Not sure why, but probably because I am slowly getting ready for our July Mempis trip. Smoking in Mempis is a M U S T … Gaining weight in Memphis Is a double must…

SO natural flow of things is- stop smoking -> gain weight-> start smoking-> gain more weight -> stop smoking AND NEVER START AGAIN.
I smoked 4 cigs in 2 days, and I got so sick I threw up. It was bad, really bad,,, and I just GOT My complexion under control, I was clean and clear, and because of those 4 stinky butts , my face and chest are covered with ugly white heads. SICK. sick, sick..

But yeah.. I am at this point right now. I can’t stop eating. It is horrible, and now , that I am getting older ( DON”T LAUGH), it is so much harder for me to loose weight. Couple of years ago, I gained, I lost, I gained I lost . No big deal, but now, I am not sure what to do do boost my metabolism. I have been eating healthy foods, 90 % foods are organic, not processed. And there is that 10% that is still processed… Like ketchup, and other canned things I have to use once in a while… But I CAN’t Loose what I am eating in. It stuck like glue in my middle section. IT IS NOT LEAVING ME. I hate it, I truly do. And part of this weight gain is due to my not smoking part. BUT I can’t start again. I can’t. It is just wrong. 😦 I rather gain few pounds and complain about it, but NO MORE SMOKING.
Shame on me for doing those 4 cigs. Bad Diana, No cookie for you tonight, just peanut brownie.

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FOTO project…


Nii, tana kirjutan siis jalle Eesti keeles. On 28s Mai. Regina ajuoperatsioonist on moodas tapselt 3 aastat. Jah, Mai 28, 2004 opereeriti Reginal ajust halvaloomuline kasvaja. Tanu St Jude Children’s Research haigla arstidele ja odedele On Regina terve ja tugev 🙂 Aitahh..
Tana otsustasin vaheke jalle lilli pildistada. Panin yles omatehtud valge shadow boxi ja lilled sisse ning CLICK, CLICK. Avastasin,et ei pea sadu dollareid kulutama et taitsa hea kvaliteediga pilte teha. Muidugi, hea fotokas peab olema, kuid see on juba teine lugu… Koige muuga saab improviseerida. 🙂
Lisan ka siis moned fotod…


Lets talk about cuisine. I am hungry. I have been dieting for couple of days, since my size 13 pants ( largest I have been in 4 years), did not want to fit me anymore. :(:(:(
I am big Russian food lover. Just simplicity of foods and flavor. Nothing to overpowering. ( Kind of like Estonian, 😉 ).
I was just watching Extra , and they were talking about this amazing new restaurant in LA. It is called Romanov, and it serves “international” food with contemporary kick. … I add this place to my “To do” list. 🙂 Who wants to go there with me ????
http://www.romanovla.com/

I am also big Mexican food lover. Now, I am not taco or burrito person – BUT HOME MADE Tamales, and REAL, Enchiladas – OMG. YOu got to be kidding me.. That is my kind of comfort food…

I love food, and I’d be lying to you if I tell you that Dieting is easy. 😦 Now, that I have not smoked a sig for over 4 months ( I think), food tastes so much better, aroma, flavor, more aroma…. Oh, ..( can you tell, I am hungry , as I am typing this???, I just opened bottle of red wine, and I am so fucking screwed , because I cant enjoy food with it. ( I thought if one of my Best friends can do it, I can do it,,, NO eating after 6 PM ; ) ),…. It sucks not to EAT, what I want to eat, when I want to eat……… BAAAAAA

HMH.

Is it me , or is it me..
Past few days I have been checking out Estonian Real Estate. I just want to know what is available and what is price range. You know what sucks. Prices are pretty good- with 3-4 million estonian crons(about 300 000 dollars , I can have pretty good 300 sq/ft house, with GIANT back/front yard. But drawback is, most of houses are NMS. I am picky. Very picky. I am just not very happy with layouts, material choices, heating/cooling systems. etc. IF I ever move back and Decide to buy house in ESTONIA. I end up spending extra 200 000 dollars to just make house fit my standards..

Just a thought…

‘nuf said


Estonia is situated in Northern Europe, on the coast of the Baltic Sea, neighbouring Finland, Sweden, Latvia and Russia. It is a country with 1.4 million people, which attracts more than 3 million visitors annually.
Dates from Estonian history ( from MOFA website- Ministry Of Foreign Affairs)
02 May 2005

In the area that now forms present-day Estonia, the first settlements occurred some 11,000 years ago, after the ice cap retreated.

13th century, first half.
During the 12th century the Baltic region had been in the hands of the Teutonic Knights. Estonia was incorporated into Christendom at the beginning of the 13th century, under the pressure of crusaders from Germany and Denmark.

14th century.
In the Baltic region, power was now in the hands of the Hanseatic League. Several Estonian towns and cities belonged to the League, including Tallinn (Reval), which had received its city charter as early as 1248.

16th century, first half.
The Reformation reaches Estonia, which from then on remained a part of the Lutheran cultural space.

16th century, second half – 17th century.
From 1558 onwards, Estonia became the battleground for a war involving Denmark, Sweden, Russia and Poland. Sweden came out as winner, and Estonia remained under her sphere of influence until the beginning of the 18th century. During Swedish rule, the first university in Estonia was founded at Tartu in 1632.

18th century.
The Great Northern War left Estonia under Russian rule (1721). Estonia became a window through which Peter the Great wished to gain access to Europe.

19th century.
The winds of numerous national movements blow through the whole of Europe. In Estonia, the period of national awakening commences. In 1862, a national epic “Kalevipoeg” was published. A high point of the Estonian national movement was the first nation-wide Song Festival organised by Johann Voldemar Jannsen and the “Vanemuine” society in Tartu in June 1869.

1918.
On the 24th of February the Estonian Republic was proclaimed. At first this was merely a decision made on paper. True independence was fought for over the period 1918 to 1920, during the War of Liberation. The struggle was crowned with success, and a treaty was finally signed with Soviet Russia, which revoked in perpetuity all claims over Estonia.

1918-1939.
This was the period of the first sovereign republic. During independence, Estonia established diplomatic relations and made its existence felt throughout Europe. Independence was curtailed by the signing of the Pact between Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union in 1939.

1940-1991.
Following the Soviet occupation in 1940, Estonia was occupied by Nazi Germany from 1941 until 1944. The Soviet Union incorporates Estonia in the fall of 1944. A large proportion of the population fled abroad. Many others were arrested and deported to Siberia. Those who remained, had to adjust to a new way of life.

The end of the 20th century.
Estonia succeeded in regaining independence by way of the Singing Revolution of 1988. She has been fully independent once more since 1991.

2004.
Estonia became a NATO member state on 29 March 2004 and a European Union member state on 1 May 2004.


In a short note- I am not liking me right now. I am not liking new me. I have lost motivation to do things or please others. I do not like even pleasing myself. I strongly dislike may. ANd aI have hated May with passion past 3 years. May 8 – my birthday- Regina was seriously ill, and I was too tough on her. May 26th , 2004, me flying to Estonia, Reginas condition was getting worse, we still had no idea what was going on. May 27, I was flying back to US, Because I was asked to . May 29th I found out that Regina had brain surgery to remove Brain tumor… I Still blame myself for not being there for her every step on the way. I HATE THAT I DID NOT LISTEN TO MY INNER SELF …. I CAN’T STAND FEELING LIKE THIS EVERY YEAR, EVERY MAY… IT IS OVER NOW, what am I afraid off?? I know I cant turn back time and change things around, but it bothers me…. I can’t let go… I just cant… It is getting frustrating…

Movie/

If you have not seen Spiderman 3, go see it. Fun movie.
and Also, DISTURBIA. I went to see this movie with no high expectations, but I was pleasantly surprised how well acted, directed and written this movie was. Full of suspense,. Keeps you interested the whole time 🙂